QCIM3: My Third 21k

Since it first started, the Quezon City International Marathon (QCIM) has been a special, highly anticipated race for me. For one thing, it's done in Quezon City where I live, not in far off Fort Bonifacio where most of the major races are held. For another, the QCIM is a rare occasion during which half of the lengthy and busy Commonwealth Ave is emptied of vehicular traffic and transformed into a spacious playground for runners. It is a runner's dream to race along the long stretch of this infamous, accident-prone highway sans the noise, fumes and very real danger of cars running you over. And while the route is scenic, it isn't without a few challenges. It slopes uphill, especially along the Tandang Sora flyover and going towards Fairview.

Another great thing going for the QCIM is that it is always well planned and organized. A runner can't really ask for more. There are more than adequate water stations, kilometer markers and road directions, helpful marshals, and -- wait a minute--no medical aid stations this time? I don't recall seeing Red Cross volunteers or medical personnel in this year's race, though thankfully, I didn't have any need for their help. But maybe they were around and I just didn't see them.

For the QCIM3, some of the hydration stations even offered bananas and Gatorade drinks, which I really appreciated. When you don't have enough energy gels with you during a long run, those can truly help.

I woke up at 3:00 am on race day. With my brain still groggy with sleep, I wondered why I was subjecting myself to all these troubles instead of just going back to the warm comfort of my bed (and on such a cold December morning). I hurriedly had coffee, a few bites of lasagna and pastry, and hoped they would be enough to sustain me through the run. I had but one Gu energy gel (I calculated I needed at least three) and a Snickers bar as baon.

I was thankful my right leg was feeling alright and probably 90% recovered from a shin splint that had been bothering me earlier. But just to be sure, I wore a leg brace/compression thingy (I don't know the right term for it). This later proved to be a very prudent decision.

Before starting the race, I was resigned to the fact that I might need to walk during the latter part. I was under-trained because of my leg injury, and I was feeling far from confident. I told myself I'd just try to enjoy myself during the run as much as I can, and see how it goes. If I felt tired or had my usual leg cramps, I'd simply walk. I'm not running the full 42k marathon anyway, so I was not worried about the curfew time. Even if I walked half of the race, I would finish well before the allotted closing time of 11:00 am.

As it happened, the gods of running smiled upon me during this race, and I didn't experience any leg cramps. Without fail, I'd have cramps during any run that's longer than 12 or 13 kilometers--but for some reason, I didn't during this race. Wow! I was very pleasantly surprised. Later, I tried to analyze how this happened, and I concluded that it's perhaps the leg compression stocking that saved me. That's the one thing I did in this race differently from previous races. Maybe the Gu gel which I took close to Km 5 also had something to do with it. In previous races, I contented myself mostly with just Gatorade and water as fuel. I now realize that energy gels provide extra sustenance. (Duh!)

My finish time was nothing to brag about; in fact it was longer than my first two 21k races. But I was more than happy. No leg cramps, no walking (except while hydrating and munching on bananas), no problems at all! It was an easy breezy run, made enjoyable by the wonderful route, the efficient work of the organizers, and the December weather that's ideal for running. There was even a nice little drizzle as I approached the finish line.

There was a post-race raffle with a most enticing prize: a condo unit. I felt obligated to stay around and wait for the raffle draw, because you never knew who might win. If your race number was drawn and you're not around, you'd be deemed ineligible for the prize. And so I made tambay at City Hall until 11:30 am. I stayed there for a longer time than I spent running during the actual race. Good thing I had my earbuds and iPhone with me, so I didn't get too bored. Okay, maybe I was bored and dozed off a bit. (I woke up at 3 am, didn't I?) I tried to fill the down time reading up on trivia on my iPhone. (Did you know that the circular bits of paper you get after using a puncher have a name? They're called chads.)

By the way, medals were given to finishers of the the 21k and 42k categories. There was supposedly a loot bag too, but I only got an empty SDMC bag. Anyway, that's no biggie. Finishing the race injury-free was enough for me. It was another wonderful QCIM.

My view along Commonwealth, going to Philcoa and the finish line. Wide, car-free roads are a truly a runner's dream come true!

The rectangular medal and my bib.

At the finish line.

Bye Bye Fish

Another one of our goldfish died today. This is him (or her) floating lifelessly on the water surface.

Only two goldfish remain in our fish tank, plus one giant janitor and one teeny-weeny flat, shiny fish of some unknown species (I forgot what it's called). We originally had more than ten of this tiny flat fish. We also had maybe seven to ten goldfish originally, together with many kois that also perished.

I admit it, I'm a lousy fish keeper. I hate cleaning the tank and changing the water. So, yes, I am probably guilty for the deaths of the all our fishes. (Though I don't discount that there's a chance other, unknown factors are responsible.)

Our tank is a large, 75-gallon one, so right now it's looking very empty and sad. I hate to buy more fish because I know they'd die sooner or later.

All Set for a 21k?

How I wish I could put an exclamation point at the end of that title. But as things stand, my readiness for a 21k race is a giant question mark right now. My last run was 20 days ago. Since then, I stopped training because of a leg injury, although I tried to stay active by playing badminton once or twice a week. I resumed running just this morning with a leisurely 10k on the treadmill. Race day is roughly 13 days from now, I am woefully undertrained, and I don't feel confident at all that I can pull off a 21k. Why, oh why, didn't I just sign up for a 10k??? Or even a 5k?

Well, I know the answer to that one. I love challenges, even if they kill me (literally). My bravado and bahala-na-si-Batman attitude often gets me in trouble, but I admit the payoff can also be very gratifying. I loooove the feeling of getting away with something, of finishing a race despite being ill-prepared. Of course, with the gratification also come a slow finish time, painful cramps, sore muscles, and a limp for days post-race. I have read somewhere that runners are secretly masochists, and I have I feeling that's exactly true in my case. (Even my running playlist reflects this--John Cougar Mellencamp's "Hurts So Good" on my iPod pumps me up on every run.)

The 21k race I registered for is the Quezon City International Marathon (QCIM). It's a yearly event that I look forward to, primarily because of its accessibility. Most races are held in Fort Bonifacio, which is too far from where I live. QCIM starts at the Quezon City Hall, and goes through the long stretch of Commonwealth Avenue, into the Eco-Park at La Mesa Dam. It's a runner's dream to have one whole side of Commonwealth Ave. (equivalent to maybe 6 lanes) cleared of all vehicular traffic on race day and devoted exclusively to runners. Apart from this, the QCIM is usually very well managed, with plenty of water stations (this is a must!), adequate kilometer markers, and efficient race marshals.

The race kit includes a shirt, not a singlet this time. I think that's nice for a change. I would have appreciated though if they have the shirt in smaller sizes. I got the small size, but it's still a teeny bit big for me, maybe equivalent to medium or large for other shirts.

The race also includes a Strider Tag as a timing device. It's my first time to see a timing chip that's as thin as a strip of paper. Last year's timing device for the QCIM was a circular plastic thingy roughly the size of an old one-peso coin.

This will be my third 21k race. Incidently, it's also the third year of QCIM. I don't expect a faster finish time or new PR. I just hope to finish, even if that means I have to walk and crawl part of the way :-)

Not Running -- But Not Sitting Still Either

I've said (or thought) "I'm back into writing and blogging" so many times in the past that I've lost count. It's pretty much how I also feel about another favorite hobby of mine, running. I have this on-and-off, love-hate relationship with blogging and running. Well, maybe "hate" is too strong a word. It's true that the very thought of running in the cold early morning air often makes me feel like throwing the covers over my head and doing a Rip Van Winkle. But it's also true that many a day has felt incomplete for me without a run, or without a blog post.

Speaking of running, I'm on a forced hiatus right now. I had ignored for too long the pain in my right leg, and just kept on running and playing badminton like there's no tomorrow, until I no longer could. The pain has developed into a full-blown running injury called a shin splint. The cure is simple but very hard to do: quit running and let the leg rest for at least two weeks.

And so I have stopped running. For about a week now. That's the good news. The bad news is that I have succumbed a few times to the temptation to play badminton. Last Saturday, I played badminton for about six hours, and the result of this foolhardiness is more pain and a limp, which become very pronounced when I go up and down the stairs.

In search of another hobby that won't put strain on my legs, I have turned to photography. This has been a latent interest of mine for quite some time (my daughters say I'm interested in everything), and now seems to be the perfect time to give it full lien. I also happen to have this digital SLR camera that's been lying around the house for years now. I might as well put it into good use.

To start off, I downloaded a number of great photography books from the Internet. These books cost a great deal (easily over P1,500 when I did some browsing at National Bookstore), and I feel very lucky to be able to download the electronic versions for free and read them on my iPad. I was also able to find the manual for my d-SLR on the Internet, a very handy reference to take the place of the real manual which I've lost.

I've been taking a lot of practice shots, mostly of our dearest beatzu named Cookie. Here's a sample.

And I've enrolled in a short photography course at UP that starts two days from now. I'm super-excited! I would have loved to take the course together with my daughter Jigme, but she's too busy with schoolwork, and perhaps not as interested in photography as I am. We did agree that I'd teach her whatever I learned in the course. She's very artistic and loves to sketch, and I'm sure she'll enjoy photography too when she gets to experience it firsthand.

So that's what I've been doing these days. I hope to get to write more and blog regularly again while I'm more or less forced to stay off my feet. That way, I could also put into full use some of the idle gadgetry that's gathering dust in a corner somewhere, like this bluetooth keyboard that I'm now using while typing on the iPad. It all has made me realize once again how fortunate I am, and how there is so much to learn and to do. Learning, like living, never stops, no matter what your age is. And so here I am, embarking on a new hobby, staying off my feet, but definitely not sitting still :-)

Yesterday, I Cried

(This is a poem from the book Yesterday, I Cried by Iyanla Vanzant. I find it very touching and familiar, as I'm a frequent crier myself.)

Yesterday, I cried.
I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and had myself a good cry.

I'm telling you,
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues ying on the floor at my feet.

I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected it back to me in the ways others did to me
the same things I had already done to myself.

I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away, to people in circumstances,
which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.

I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.

I cried because I had a little boy, and because I was a lttle girl,
and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there for me so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.

I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything I needed to know.

I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming,
Because
Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda.

Jailbroken!

I've always ignored comments and posts I read on techie sites that I should jailbreak my Apple devices to get the best out of them. I thought, if the thing isn't broken, why bother changing it? Indeed, I've been very happy with my iPhone and iPad (and my iPods as well) and I saw no reason to tinker with them beyond what Apple officially allows.

Then one day, I came across this irresistible post in FlipBoard that said all it takes to jailbreak is just one click. At jailbreakme.com, the process is entirely automated; you just have to click on one button and it's done--no need to manually download or install any program or change the settings. It even works for the latest iOS version and the iPads. And it's risk-free because you can restore your device anytime (to the previous un-jailbroken state) through iTunes. And so I was convinced.

I first jailbroke my iPhone. It was a very easy process, as promised. No glitches, though I didn't know what to do afterwards and what Cydia apps to get.

I started with the easiest modifications possible. I downloaded some themes and ringtunes. Again, it was pretty easy to do, though it was time-consuming because everytime I changed into a new theme, the iPhone had to be restarted. Aside from that, the process was uncomplicated. And I loved the new looks provided by the installed themes. After a while, the original interface does become dull and boring. With the themes, your iPhone also looks different from all other iPhones.

Next, I jailbroke my Ipad. Again, it was easy, though there aren't very many free iPad themes available compared to iPhone themes. But I'm happy that my jailbroken iPad now looks distinct from the run-of-the-mill iPad interface. (Mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ko.)

I also installed Activator, an app that lets you assign commands or actions to specific gestures or buttons. With it, you can choose the Home button, for instance, to do whatever command you wish to associate it with. On my iPad, clicking and holding down the Home button now automatically turns off the device, something I couldn't do previously.

There are other Cydia apps I wish to try, especially the one which allows unrestricted transfer of all files between a PC and any iDevice. In the meantime, I'm happy with the new themes I have on my iPhone. Here are some of their screenshots:

The "Picnic" Theme. This is my kids' favorite.

"Buuf2"

"Glasklart." One of the most popular iPhone themes.

"High Tech Clover." I like this because it's simple and clean.

"Touchit." Another favorite of mine.

Kali-Ma: The Dark Mother

Just today, I changed yet again my facebook name, this time to Kali-Ma. It might appear to be an insignificant, meaningless thing to do, since I've done the name changing act a lot of times in the past, as have many other bored people on FB. But it meant something personally profound to me. The time, and the name, feel right.

Yesterday, I had an episode channeling the Dark Mother herself. I partly blame it on hormones; without fail, I am irritable on the days just prior to my period. On the other hand, my teen-age daughter was being her usual messy and insensitive self, and I felt she never really listened to me. Maybe she was hormone-influenced as well, for yesterday she was extra-sensitive to my berating her, and so we butted heads. I ended up crying and locking myself in my room. Yes, even to me, it does sound shameful and very un-motherlike, but that's what happened. It was a tantrum I'm not proud of. Later, my daughter sent me a touching note of apology, and by 6:30 pm, we made up and all was well again.

So who's Kali-Ma? Students of Indian mythology and world religions are familiar with Kali as the destroyer, man-slayer and "demoness," but that's just one aspect of this fearsome, powerful goddess. She also creates, resurrects and gives life. She is "the womb and the tomb." It'll be a long treatise to talk about Kali-Ma's many attributes, but in a nutshell, she's a powerful trinity goddess with equivalents in many religions and mythologies, not just Indian.

Years ago, when I was seriously into Eastern mysticism, the name Kali-Ma came to me in meditation as my esoteric name, though I never really studied what or who she is. Sometime afterwards, I did some research about her and Kali worship, but it was all intellectual. I wasn't really attracted into pursuing this path as my spiritual practice. But in difficult times, I would almost unconsciously pray to the Divine Mother and feel a deep kinship with her. I would find great comfort in this, and it has sustained me through very trying, heartbreaking times.

On the inside, many things have been happening to me lately, although my life has consistently been pretty boring and uneventful these recent months. I feel a strong urge to strengthen my spiritual practice. I feel I've been overly tamasic (materialistic and physical) recently, and I intend to bring more balance into my life. I've actually been a slowpoke at this. About two months ago, I decided to quit my job so that I could devote serious time to things that really matter to me. I resolved to take better care of my health, exercise more, meditate more, write more, read more (and more discriminately at that), and be a better mother. I did quit my work, which was a drastic action, but I've been slow in putting my intentions to work. But I'll get there, with the Mother's grace and blessings :-)