Kali-Ma: The Dark Mother

Just today, I changed yet again my facebook name, this time to Kali-Ma. It might appear to be an insignificant, meaningless thing to do, since I've done the name changing act a lot of times in the past, as have many other bored people on FB. But it meant something personally profound to me. The time, and the name, feel right.

Yesterday, I had an episode channeling the Dark Mother herself. I partly blame it on hormones; without fail, I am irritable on the days just prior to my period. On the other hand, my teen-age daughter was being her usual messy and insensitive self, and I felt she never really listened to me. Maybe she was hormone-influenced as well, for yesterday she was extra-sensitive to my berating her, and so we butted heads. I ended up crying and locking myself in my room. Yes, even to me, it does sound shameful and very un-motherlike, but that's what happened. It was a tantrum I'm not proud of. Later, my daughter sent me a touching note of apology, and by 6:30 pm, we made up and all was well again.

So who's Kali-Ma? Students of Indian mythology and world religions are familiar with Kali as the destroyer, man-slayer and "demoness," but that's just one aspect of this fearsome, powerful goddess. She also creates, resurrects and gives life. She is "the womb and the tomb." It'll be a long treatise to talk about Kali-Ma's many attributes, but in a nutshell, she's a powerful trinity goddess with equivalents in many religions and mythologies, not just Indian.

Years ago, when I was seriously into Eastern mysticism, the name Kali-Ma came to me in meditation as my esoteric name, though I never really studied what or who she is. Sometime afterwards, I did some research about her and Kali worship, but it was all intellectual. I wasn't really attracted into pursuing this path as my spiritual practice. But in difficult times, I would almost unconsciously pray to the Divine Mother and feel a deep kinship with her. I would find great comfort in this, and it has sustained me through very trying, heartbreaking times.

On the inside, many things have been happening to me lately, although my life has consistently been pretty boring and uneventful these recent months. I feel a strong urge to strengthen my spiritual practice. I feel I've been overly tamasic (materialistic and physical) recently, and I intend to bring more balance into my life. I've actually been a slowpoke at this. About two months ago, I decided to quit my job so that I could devote serious time to things that really matter to me. I resolved to take better care of my health, exercise more, meditate more, write more, read more (and more discriminately at that), and be a better mother. I did quit my work, which was a drastic action, but I've been slow in putting my intentions to work. But I'll get there, with the Mother's grace and blessings :-)